More Thinking

weird how things happen. was chatting with some on-line friends last night, the usual girl-talk, but it struck me that something's amiss in many people today. some are basing their relationships on a tit-for-tat philosophy, as if they must retaliate for any supposed slight or misstep by their partners. It's as if simple incompatibility has become a matter of good vs. evil.

i don't look at matters like that. an enemy is an enemy, and you have the choice of either walking away from them or fighting, however useless the latter might be. becoming addicted to fighting is common in couples, instead of finding answers or, in the end, separating. if that's the situation, cut your losses and leave, period, without looking back.

if it is a matter of misunderstanding, then it's not a conspiracy, just the result of not being psychic. we're individuals, not chemically/mentally linked members of an ant-hive. i don't have the same interests as steve in many cases, and he often looks at me and my activities as incomprehensible. the key for us is that we know this, and let the other have his/her thing to do, compromise on some, and happily join together on the rest.

it's because we have an honor system that this works at all, something i don't see in many couples today. it's said that society (western, that is) today is narcissistic, and i see it too often in the way people don't trust their partners. honor has to be based on trust, a kind of personal Bushido or Chivalry, which can be founded on either philosophy or religion, but it has to be there in a relationship or the whole thing doesn't work from the beginning. is it so politically incorrect to say that? probably, but truth is often an unwelcome stranger.

steve trusted me when i told him of my heart condition on our first date; i began to trust him when he said in answer, "so?". it made no difference that i couldn't have children, either. he's always been my sort-of knight, and he's taught me that no circumstance can take away my right to dignity. i've supported him when he's taken odd jobs so that he could stay and nurse me, cried when he gave up his military career and retirement to do the same, and cheered when he's thrown doctors and bureaucrats against the wall when they abused me. i've stayed by him when he's been in hospital, held him when we've lost pets and relatives, watched him beam with pride when i've out-scored him on the backyard archery butts. my sins and achievements are his, and his mine, but without honor we'd have nothing in common. mistakes happen, and we move on, knowing that betrayal will never be a factor in our lives.

i don't know whether all this means that we're out of date, or that we're revolutionaries. somehow i think it's the people who say we're out of date that are the true conventionalists.

kathyg's Blog